Hi, Chris. Nice to meet you! Hahaha bitaw, I just wanted to share something about myself. But before that, I genuinely appreciate the time and attention you’ve given me. One thing I’m not sure about is if I could reciprocate it. I honestly feel pressured—“hala grabe mo update, can I do the same ba?” Maybe I could, but not in the same way you always do.

 

In my past relationship, my late boyfriend barely demanded updates from me, so I’m not really used to updating, especially after almost a year of not communicating much. And also at school, expect to get messages from me like “padulong nako school,” “lunch sa ko,” and “nakauli nako.” I’m really focused on the tasks given, and I prefer to spend my vacant time with friends—laughing and talking. Maka share man ko sa mga happenings, but I cannot assure you (maybe I should na, I guess? It will be my responsibility hahaha), kay mo tapol kog cp if I’m surrounded with people. Siguro panalagsa rapd ko ma-expose og tawo kay always ra ko naas kwarto, so if maka-bond kog tawo, I would really spend my time.

 

One more thing—if naay exams, kabalo man ka na tig-cramming ko, so I hope makasabot ka sa akong busy days, labi na this month, next month, and the following month. Naa ko gina-supplyan bulak, so most of my time is spent making flowers. Rest assured, I will make time for you as best as I can. I just wanted to tell you this so you won’t overthink nganong bagal ko mag-reply usahay hahaha.

 

I’m busy building myself for the future. I’m really pressured in life, Chris. I have big dreams for my family, and 3rd year is a very draining year in college. Baliw jd kos pag-skuyla, Chris—I will choose my studies over my health. Ni skuyla ko bisan gi-dengue (2019), and in 2022, when I had surgery, after I was released from the hospital, gibuhat dayon nako ang module. I forced myself to sit down for long hours writing, then roaming around the neighborhood kay naa koy gipangita that time para i-picture (part tos activity). I didn’t even think about the 13 staples in my stomach—I ignored the pain just so I could submit my module on time, thinking that having surgery is not a valid reason for submitting late.

 

And I don’t know if it’s necessary to share this, but I guess it’s a must. My boyfriend died just a few hours before our final exams. I studied while hugging his dead body. I attended school to take the exam. I never asked for excuses—I took all the exams and passed. Everyone was confused about how I was able to study with so much pain inside me. They couldn’t imagine how I studied in front sa haya sakong uyab. Everyone witnessed how strong I was at that time.

 

Would you also be patient with me? I’ve been through a lot in my past relationship, Chris. Sa tinuod lang, karun nahurot nako. I gave everything to my late boyfriend, so since he passed away, I started rebuilding myself again. I promised myself not to do self-harm anymore. I used to hurt myself—punch myself, slap my face, laygon nako akong kaugalingon—just because I wasn’t able to receive a message from him until 3 AM while he was drinking with his friends. It drained me.

 

So right now, I’m still trying to build myself stronger. I’ve really been through a lot. Maybe soon I can share more with you. I’m hoping I won’t go back to hurting myself again. I would really choose myself before anyone else—that’s a lesson from my past relationship.

 

Nawala nako, Chris, wala na ni nagpasunod, but anyway—looking forward to knowing you more. Let’s heal, enjoy, and never rush.