Sorry about my ankward engligh, Im doing my best. The story might sound a little unlikely at parts, but its 100% real. Ill try to not be too long, but its kinda of a long story
A quick background first: Im 46 years old, Im a programmer, Im not rich but I have a good income for brazilian standards. I have an apartment in São Paulo and a house at a nearby coastal town. Im relatively tall (1.85 m), not fat, not ugly at all. Penis not big, a little bellow average, but not too small either. But like many here (I suppose) Im shy, and I was bullied heavily when I was a teenager. And that left me with my confidence and masculinity shattered for life
Still as an adult I learned to be functional, to not look weak. I have friends, I had girlfriends, I had sex. But still I would feel inferior to other men, desperetaly attracted to women way above my league, and with my head full on unfulfiled stubborn fantasies, all about submission, humiliation and the like, which I never disclosed to any girlfriend, or anybody else. Which means I never felt sexually satisfied with my girlfriends, and always felt like an impostor among my male friends
I lived the past 8 years in that coastal town. I work at home so it makes no difference where. I was nice to live there but Im terrible at making friends so I made almost none there, so I was alone most of the time there. Alone and often horny, and that drove me to a fetish I clould pratice in that situation: fndom. Got kinda addicted to it, met many girls while praticing it, and even became friends with a few
Laura (fake name) was one of them. She is a black young girl, works as a model and dancer, stuff like that. She was a suicide girl for a while, but stopped, she dont want to sell adult content and stuff like that anymore. She is very VERY beautiful very hot too. Met her on instagram (she used to post pictures with #findom hashtag to attract the suckers), offered to be her slave etc. Started lightly, I would pay ubers and meals for her, buy her clothes some times. I was doing that with a number of girls, she was just one of them. But with time we started talking a lot, almost everyday. She would tell me about her traumas, her own fetishes, and me about mine, stuff like that. She would also tell me about the men she had sex with, I was starting to get into cuckold stuff and this really helped. But not always it would be about sex stuff, many times we just talked about our lives, our issues. Im depressive, and, surprisingly to me, I found she was too. She is 20 years younger than me. And while all that, I was still helping her, paying stuff for her etc
That went for many years, dont even remember how many. Anyway, she would often say shew would love to go out a have a beer with me. But we were far and Im a coward, so it never happened. Until one day I was visiting my parents in São Paulo and I told her and she kinda demanded it, and so I accepted. We went to a bar
I was very scared and expecting it to be weird and ankward and to be over soon. But nope: it was incredible. We talked non stop, about everything. Found that she was even more beautiful in person, but also very simple, friendly and fun. We smoked weed, we laughed a lot. She said I was good looking, and that she like tall men. The bar closed, we went to another bar. Some drunk woman sat at our table, teased us to kiss, she accepted. We kissed, and it was amazing (for me at least)
After that date, we became a lot closer. And (thats whats probably ruined me) I bel;ieved she was really into me, to the point it made me lost interest for her a bit (yeah, Im fucked up ion the head)
Anyways, it was summer so she wanted to come stay at my house, the one on the beach. I didint really wanted, meeting at a bar is something, but having her in my house, inside my weird lone man routine, it seemed it would be very unconfortable. And as I said, I was losing interest on her. But she insisted, I eventualy accepted. I thought she would stay for the weekend, instead she stayed for almost a month
I wanst uncorfortable, it was amazing. She is really fun and we really got along. We would go out a lot, got to beaches, to restaurants, stuff like that. I took a lot of pictures of her (she loves it and I have a semi pro camera). I was very alone anbd didint had company to do thins of things for year, so it was very fun to me. And she being so amazingly beautiful, I was very proud of people seeing her with me. I was quite an experience, she is the kind of woman every man and even most woman will look at. And she dresses very sexily all the time. Many times we also would just stay at home, talking, drinking, listening to music, watching films and stuff, and that was so good too
I paid for everything, of course. Bought her a lot of stuff, did everything she wanted. I would wake early everyday to work, she would usually sleep til afternoon. When she woke up, I would bring her breakfest in bed, often with flowers. I was very eager to please her
I was also an emotional rollercoster for me, though. We would sleep togheter on my bed (at first), but no sex. First night she asked me to go down on her. It was amazing, for me. Made me think things between us would go foward from that, but it was the opposite. It never happened again. I didint want to masturbate while she was there so I was very horny all the time. She would let me touch her a bit, not in a sexual way though. But she clearly didint want it. And she almost never touched me herself. No hugging, no kissing, no holding hands, nothing. She complained I snored too laud, so I started sleeping in another bedroom (she stayed on mine). I started to get desperate and paranoid
I also learned another aspect of her I didint knew: she gets angry easily, and VERY angry. Its honestly scary: she would yell, call me the worst stuff, sometimes hit me. Often over small stuff, like me making her eggs wrongly, or forgetting something, silly stuff. And there was nothing one can dop when she is like that, even apologizing makes her even more mad. What I learned to do was apologize once, look down, shut up, do whatever she was telling me to do, and wait for the storm to pass. Than she would be back to her friendly fun self after a while, like nothing happened. As a side note, she looks even more beautiful when she is angry like that, its uncanny
Anyway, after almost a month of that, I broke. I got madly in love. Im still madly in love with her. And could not endure her coldness anymore, I went crying to her like “dont you like me at all?? dont you feel any attraction for me?” etc. She hated it,. she hates talking abouit this kind of stuff. She got mad, and basically told me my dick is too small (she does has a thing for big dicks, I always knew that, we talked about it many times before) and Im just not her type, and that she thought she made that very clear
I was destroyed. I begged. I offered her to pay all her expenses, and an allowance, if she would stay with me. I told her I would accept it even with no sex at all, and I would be her cuck. She refused, she dont want a relantionship like that. In spite of all fetishes, she is very romantic. She dont believes on relantionships like that.
We broke up, we returned. Many times. Most times I go after her begging, a few times she came. We resume the situation as before, as I described above. She returned to my house on the beach after a but, stayend another month. Than I moved back to São Paulo, and she is currently basically living with me in my apartment. Not always, but most days (she lives with her mother and sister and they dont get along too well, she hates staying there). Im sleeping on the couch, she has my bedroom
I know this is not going anywhwere, its never going to be what I want. But I just cant get away from her, I love her so much. And she grew attached and dependant on me too. Not just for the money, is not even the most important for her, above all, I think, she got used to have me to listen to her, adore her, consolate her etc. And to stay at my house
Sometimes I get really horny with the whole rejection and humiliation involved in this situation, and than I want to be even more her doormat. Sometimes though I get really sad, I just want her to love me like I love her, I want us to be a couple for real
Anyway, thats my beta friendzone story. Too long, I know probably nobody is reading all that, but I had to take it out anyway.
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